Moments of Gratitude

Remembering that when I count the moments of gratitude, the moments of gratitude count more (and that when I am grateful now for things I want in my life in the future, I help to co-create those things into existence), here are some from the last few days:

1.  Tamale and Petunia (my sweet dogs) getting their teeth cleaning appointments made (and for having both the time and the money to make this happen; Tamale will also have X-rays while she is under, as she seems to be having some pain issues in her lower back).  Grateful in advance for the news that they are both OKAY!

2.  Blogging!  This is FUN, y'all.  I don't know if anyone will ever read it, but it's such a commitment on my part to my new expanded identity.  It has been much easier and more fulfilling than I thought it would.  I'm addicted to something great!

3.  Walking further and further each time on my training walks!  Oh my miraculous body (and how thankful I am to God for it, no apologies if that is too New Age for you) ... how fast it's learning!

4.  Grateful in advance for the child I have always wanted and that I am praying God to somehow bring me and for the moments snugglehugging that child while listening to him/her talk about some kid thing that is important in kid world.

5.  Starting to build a workshop on Expanded Identity.  Teaching the workshop to an audience will probably be the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm allowing myself to nevertheless enjoy the process.  Getting the idea to introduce the workshop this spring or summer at Sacred Circle.

6.  Grateful in advance for an outing I am planning to Burke Lake this spring when the weather warms up with a couple of girlfriends and maybe some others who want to join ... picnic and beach volleyball which I am terrible at so there will be lots of awkwardness and falling ... and laughing so hard it is going to hurt!

agapepod

My iPod consistently and dependably serves me spiritual teachings.  Because so much of life in Alexandria currently lacks in-person gatherings, I do have a dedicated home practice.  But sometimes it's too much of a challenge to conjure up the inner priest for a full luscious home meditation/prayer session.  (Yes, I pray to what you might think of as The Great Creator.)  On my iPod (affectionately named CatholiPod) one of the genres is "Prayer Practice".  I can always get my fix of star teachers and theologians and their live "unplugged" devoctions.  It's pretty cool.  Mind you, this is no substitute for the "real thing", but I'm grateful for my "imaginary friends Ekklesia".  In the last year since focusing primarily on Carmelite prayer, I benefit greatly from a Catholic podcast called The Daily Disconnect, which ROCKS.  Almost as good as being on Mount Carmel or in Rome.  BIG gratitude for the work they are doing.

Today I dropped Dad at the airport and reflected that my last time in an airport as a passenger was in 2019 for my 30th high school reunion in New England.  My next time may be later this year to New Orleans for Jazz Festing.

Nevertheless, I am used to being on the road and the CatholiPod certainly provides a sanctuary, even in the present day total panic that airports have become.  And I will continue my search for my Rabbouni  in the not so obvious places.

Meditation Faux Pas - Easy to Make, Easy to Fix

It happens more than you might think.  You have tried for your first time, or your third time, or for five days, or 10 months to meditate, and you think to yourself this is NOT working.  Maybe you never got around to finishing (or starting) the meditation course you bought or subscribed to.  Or maybe your life has changed dramatically since you first started meditation, or maybe life has just been busy, but you feel exactly the same as before you started meditating so there doesn't seem to be any point.

You go online to try to get some new ideas about your practice, but pretty soon you hit information overload.  Eventually, you throw up your hands and head to a brick-and-mortar or online store for a new "program", but when you start to implement those ideas, they also don't work for your vision of what you want your spiritual life to look like.

Chances are, you haven't completely missed the mark.  It's pretty easy to make meditation mistakes, and they're also easy to fix.

8 meditation faux pas that are easy to make, but that can be fixed:

1.  Stinky, Sweaty, Disgusting:

Meditating after a workout can seem like the perfect time, especially since you are already likely on an adrenaline high.  Unfortunately, it is hard to actually rest when we are aware of physical discomfort.  It makes us feel less than blissful and more, frankly, unpleasant.  Make sure to honor your practice and come into it in a way that your own body (plus your mat or meditation cushion) won't be a physical distraction.  What helps is to meditate first thing in the morning to avoid this, when you are also at your most relaxed!

2.  No good teacher (we're talking quality over quantity, selflessness, and engagement):

One of the most common faux pas is trying to DIY.  Forget the idea that this is an easy mainstream concept, if YOU can't do it, you are going to get frustrated and give up.  Find someone who will make sure you are making no mistakes and are getting the maximum effects

First, look for someone whose primary purpose is not to gather as many people as possible.  Work with someone who is interested in your progress and not someone trying to teach 20 classes a day to make as much money as possible.

Next, give your energy to someone who appreciates your efforts and gives you credit as a student.  A good teacher will appreciate and encourage you and not blame you for your mistakes.  Good teachers acknowledge your dedication and frequently praise those who taught them!

Finally, never work with someone who doesn't engage you in the prrocess.  Always look for direct communication and interactive activities.

3.  If you don't understand the point, find out:

Too often we fall into the trap of thinking that something that is new to US is a fad.  Learn about all the ways meditation has helped people for thousands of years to find peace, happiness, transformation, and more control over their lives.  The point of meditation is to gain control over the most precious things you have: your mind and your soul and your relationship with God!  (Is that too Christian for you?  I know.  Think of it as a lesson in open-mindedness.)

4.  Judging yourself is not the answer:

You wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who constantly asked whether you were doing every single thing correctly or effectively, so why do you do it to yourself?  Too often we spend an entire meditation session focusing on ourselves (see #1 above!) instead of focusing on being present and mindful.  We think we have to get past all our doubts FIRST to grow in our practice, but in reality what we need to do is accept that the doubts are there, not engage with them, simply let them go by like cars on a train, choose not to get on that train, and instead bring our energy and attention and focus back to clearing our thoughts and being present to our own breathing.  Be mindful, be judgment-free, and use each self-questioning thought as an opportunity to get to know yourself, your soul, better and better.

5. Emotions will always come back:

It's easy to get caught up in spiritual bypassing, but it's unrealistic to not connect to your emotions and to avoid including them in your practice.  Make sure you are centered and grounded in your body (#1 again!), allow your practice to include emotions, and don't fall into the trap of believing that an "up and out of" body experience makes your practice more effective (actually, the opposite is true).

6.  Falling Asleep:

The instinct is often to meditate when everything else for the day is "done" (i.e., at bed time), but then what a surprise that you close your eyes and soon fall asleep.  Don't be mad at yourself, and instead remember that sleep is a healthy thing that your body, mind, and soul also need.  View falling asleep as a positive thing, take it as a sign that your focus on relaxing is working, and meditate at a different time of day if you're looking for a different experience (#1 again, again!)

7.  Time, time, time:

We love giving yourself some fluidity in your practice, but it takes focus to get into that special meditation state of mind.  The right balance of giving yourself space, paired with making sure you actually are alloting enough time for the concentration you are going to need, will keep you from driving yourself crazy.

8.  Hating distractions:

Minimizing distraction doesn't have to mean earplugs, door locks, and yelling at everyone to shut up.  We get it, you're trying to meditate.  Instead, realize things are going to bother you, observe distractions as they occur, and make them part of your practice: one of your challenges to yourself is to get better and better and not getting carried away by distractions.  Embracing distractions is actually the path to feeling more laid back.  There are even some famous meditation teachers who PAY someone to come into their meditation classes and be distracting (throat clearing, fidgeting, unwrapping noisy lozenges, etc.) as a way to train their students how to be more at peace no matter what is happening around them!  #1 is important (what you can control about you), but you can never 100% control your environment, and neither can any of the most advanced meditators - what they have learned how to to do is to accept and be at peace with that.

Expanding My Identity: Joining The 3 Day

Those who know me know I am not a big exerciser.  Er.  I haven't been a big exerciser, but I have set a goal to complete The 3 Day this year, so I have become one.  That's what's great about developing focus.  You just decide on a new aspect of your identity, and then act as that new identity.  God, or the Great Creator (sure, some Native American god, whatever works for you) sends us sources and events that allow us to become a better expression of who we were created to be, and we just have to be paying attention in order to notice them ... it is often like a gentle alarm clock that starts off faintly and gradually becomes more insistent until we sit up and take notice.  And then, before you know it, you're in connection with the flow of good orderly direction, heading toward grace! 

I have a bad knee from injuries many years ago and recently started to have some stress-related joint issues in my big toe at a job I was not loving.  The toe was excruciating really, and the knee can be at times.  Truth be told, I'd prefer not to go into the specifics, because it brings me back to some emotions I'd really rather not have: mostly fear (Oh my word, I can't stand, I can't even think about anything else because the pain is fogging my mind ... am I permanently disabled?  Who is going to care for my aging father?  For Petunia and Tamale (my dogs)?  Am I going to pass out?  No, but maybe burst into tears ... :)  pain, embarrassment (although some people I worked with were incredibly kind, I thought I might be getting gout and would be judged for somehow bringing this on myself, that I might lose my independence - this is a time when my grief over not having a life partner can really reach up and grab me).  But it led to this great gift, this opportunity to rethink my identity around health and vitality.  Here's the story.

Well, I left that unhappy job last week and suddenly have had time for conscious movement as often as I would like.  All at once, I have been moving again on my own terms because I could, and I have remembered that I love it!  Warm-ups on the treadmill, yoga and balance exercises, tons of movement to train my brain and my body to remember how to communicate again.  I love moving, paying attention to my body, having the freedom to discipline myself every day, and the blessing of my yoga teacher training and some great podcasts to tell me exactly what I need to do to get healthy again.

As I have begun paying attention to my body (and not the unhelpful and superficial and ego-driven attention I was giving it when certain clothing items didn't fit the way I would like them to), I have started thinking about what I can do with it that will give me a GOAL (I do well with specific, time-sensitive goals with some sort of external accountability) and more JOY in my life - the kind of joy that comes from doing something new and having fun while doing it.

Then I remembered that I always wanted to do a challenging physical event that would really push my body, and I realized that taking that goal on now sounded fun.  Some of the events have been cancelled or indefinitely postponed because of the pandemic, but not all of them, and somehow without my even realizing it, I just had a feeling that I should revist doing something I had always wanted to do, and I went to the website to check, and sure enough The 3 Day is happening later this year, with one location very near where Dad lives.  Hmmm, that sounded interesting, and it's only walking so that doesn't sound too intimidating.  A 60-mile walk over the course of three days.  Raises funds for Komen for the Cure and promotes awareness to fight breast cancer (my mother died from breast cancer eight years ago).  I was intrigued.  Here is an alarm clock going off.  Time to do a little research.

First, is this something I want to train for with other friends who are not big exercisers?  I am a bit intimidated to join a group that already has done this event before ... they will be faster, stronger, more flexible - everything I would like to be in my body but am not yet.  So I may ask a couple of girlfriends.  But I have a feeling one of them is going to decline, as she is currently facing the likelihood of a total hip replacement and committing to three days of walking six months from now is probably not in the cards for her, regardless of whether she is pre- or post-surgery at that point.  LOL, right?!  The other is likely not going to want to travel to New England for The 3 Day.

For now, I have decided to dive into the pool alone.

As I'm contemplating that, I have tackled the next order of business ... would my body be ready?

I've done research on The 3 Days's website and other places, and all the news is yes!  Six months is plenty of time to do the recommended training plan.

So I am commiting: one of my three main goals for the next three months is to get in the best shape of my life, and I'm looking forward to hopefully working with a life coach who can give me some homework in this area.  One thing I've done to get myself started is to listen to Louise Hay's Atmospheres and Affirmations.  Man, people like her and Tony Robbins amaze me!  It's not always about hearing something new and earth-shattering (although sometimes I do), it's hearing from people who say things in a certain way ... totally confident, totally centered, totally in divine flow.  I'm listening and doing exercises on who I WAS and who I am now choosing to be, and it's becoming clear.  My expanded identity includes being fast, strong, flexible, and balanced ... and registering for The 3 Day is the perfect way to step into this new identity.

And I've begen the training process.  3 miles one day, day of rest, 3 miles one day, day of rest ... then 30 minutes cross training.  Then 3 miles the next day, 3 miles the day after that.  The next week is the same, except one day goes up to 4 miles.  Week after is the same, except one day is 4 miles and another day is 5 miles.  On the off days, I am going to try the elliptical, and I'm also doing daily yoga and calisthenics.  Regardless of where I am on the walking training, I'm really going to hold myself accountable to daily yoga.  The training plan is 24 weeks long, and I'm 26 weeks out, so I will need to buckle down soon.  Got the training plan on my phone and yoga podcasts all downloaded.

Yes, I've got tons of motivational playlists from Hay House and others to keep my brain busy while I work out!

I am thrilled to say, "I am now a big exerciser!"

Can't yet tell you that I love exercising, though I'm hoping that will come, but I can tell you I LOVE the feeling after.  There is nothing like the sweaty, slighty sore, incredibly powerful, slightly looser feeling after you have stretched your body just past the edge of its limits, with a mind and soul now able to imagine new possibilities.

Adam's Ale

The following is an excerpt from http://www.blessedearth.org/blogs/why-i-dont-drink-bottled-water/  Blessed Earth is an educational nonprofit inspiring faithful stewardship of all creation and is motivated by the biblical mandate to care for God’s creation.

During my sophomore year of college, I spent four months studying in France.  I had to make many language and cultural adjustments, but one of the biggest surprises was the general lack of public water fountains.  As I journeyed across Europe on weekends and vacations, I learned the necessity of carrying a bottle of water.  Back home in the U.S., more people than ever are buying bottled water.  Even in these difficult economic times, Americans purchase 500 million bottles of water every week!  And this is despite the fact that we have near universal access to clean water in the United States (a blessing not afforded to more than a billion of our global neighbors). So why exactly is bottled water so bad?  Here are just a few of the many reasons to avoid purchasing bottled water:

• Bottled water costs around 2,000 times more than tap water.  As Annie Leonard of www.storyofstuff.com points out, that’s like paying $10,000 for a sandwich

• Much of the bottled water on the market today (including Pepsi’s Aquafina and Coca-Cola’s Dasani) is nothing more than filtered tap water

• 2.5 million plastic bottles are thrown into the landfill every hour

• Studies have shown that bottled water is no healthier than tap water in the U.S.

• Over 47 million gallons of oil are used per year to produce bottled water

• Currently only 10% – 20% of water bottles are recycled

• Manufacturers must use an additional 5 liters of water to produce 1 liter of bottled water

My lesson learned traveling the trains of Europe has stuck with me.  Anytime our family leaves the house for more than an hour we bring a reusable water bottle (or two or three) with us.  When eating out we use our own water bottles when possible, and ask for tap water in nice restaurants where pulling out our Nalgenes might be frowned upon.  If we forget, we try to use water fountains.  If you want to filter your water, keep a pitcher in the frig and refill it frequently.  While it may seem like a small matter whether your family uses tap vs. bottled water, remember this—using tap water both saves money and helps take care of God’s creation.

OK, I don’t know about you, but some of the recently mega-publicized info about the negative effects of bottled water has me consumed with doubt, fear, anxiety, and anger.  Like probably most of you, I have spent my adult life drinking as much water as possible in the interests of health.  My commitment goes in waves, but I do my best.  About two years ago, I bought a S'Well, and  I have been trying to use it in place of purcashing bottled water.  And, as we all know – 8 glasses a day or else death by dehydration or a supposed laundry list of other negative side effects. But I've been following the news on how many municipalities around the world have been proposing and even enacting bottled water bans.  It seems like the news about resource wastage, transportation emissions, and plastic litter is old news now, but it is still very upsetting if you pay attention to it.

I’m in Alexandria VA where the water is clean, and I drink it out of the tap (well actually out of the filtered and chilled water dispenser on my refrigerator).  And I drink a LOT of water.  What's really concerning is that here we are, supposedly doing that for our health, but there is ongoing concern about the use of plastics in consumer food packaging solutions, not just about the environmental impact of the disposal of these products, but concerns about consumer safety.  The simple fact is that I need to drink water all day or I don’t feel optimally well.  And when I have ended up with a plastic water bottle (gifted at an event or included with a meal or purchased out of desperation when I forgot my refillable bottle), I have always tried to reuse those bottles by refilling them over and over again, in an effort to be as green as possible.  

Then whammo!  Here comes the news that, not only am I paying the equivalent of $10,000 for a sandwich for each of these bottles, but toxins leaching from plastics might be related to disorders in humans such as infertility and cancer.  Now, every time I take a sip of water these words drift like clouds across my vision … leaching styrene di-2-ehtylhexyl phthalate endocrine disruptor human carcinogen.

Am I exaggerating?  If I'm not - the damage is already done to the environment, to me, and to all of my organs - even more outrageous when in many cases I have just been drinking filtered tap water from another city that has been put into this poisonous container and then sold to me at an outrageous price!  Yes, it has only been a year since scientists were able to use advance laser spectroscopy to analyze water bottles made of polystyrene and polycarbonate for contamination, but that doesn't mean the contamination is only a year old - we are just now able to identify what has been poisoning us for the last generation.  I'm QUITE SURE these and other chemicals will be "exposed" in a future issue of a respected scientific journal that will be terrifying.

WHAT IN THE SAM HILL?!?!?

Here's a brilliant idea.  Should we just stop drinking water and switch to whiskey (which comes from uisce beatha, Irish for water of life) or forget Adam's Ale and just drink ale?  Seems safer than a sip of water right now.  Idiocracy - a science fiction comedy about the future where they all almost starve because they use sports drinks instead of water for everything, including watering their crops ... or are we living that now, ingesting the toxic elements aluminum and cyanide which are found in trace amounts in plastic water bottles and throwing millions of these toxic plastic bottles into landfills every hour?

But seriously – this is when yoga and meditation and faith save me.  Because whiskey is not actually life-giving and ale, while delicious, but was not given to Adam by God.  And we can't stop drinking water.

What to do?  How to solve this problem?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Lord God Almighty, clear my mind as my thoughts run rampant in my head.  Let me meditate that I may facilitate forgiveness, let go of rumination, and reduce negative emotions.  May I allow yoga to clear the mind.  

This is all I can do.

As always, it comes back to consciously making time in my life for God's divine grace.

A Professional Organizer Will Be Your New Best Friend: Her Words, Not Mine

 "When I got married, bought my first house, had a child, and started my own business, I never in a million years thought I would hire a professional organizer."

"Victoria" (name changed to protect her privacy) was 27 when she started her own business and 29 when she closed on her house.  She went into both projects with tons of energy, and started binders and vision boards about "Success on a Shoestring" and "Organizing on a Budget".  

This successful woman wanted people to walk into her home, where her business office and studio were also located, and think to themselves, "Wow, how orderly."  And she had collected magazine articles, books, blog entries, you name it, on DIY interior design projects, crafty wall organization tools, and arranging systems.  It was all cute, but there was nothing cohesive.  Victoria couldn't decide on one sorting method, so she collected information about all the possibilities out there.

Then more than 10 years later, the time came to open a separate brick-and-mortar store for her business.  Movers were arriving with boxes to pack up the necessary parts of her studio to move to the store, and as she went in there to prepare for the move, she realized what she had in there: a hodgepodge of hand-me-down and thrift-store shelving units, some sad filing boxes that were in some cases taped together and bulging with all kinds of unfiled paperwork, and several very expensive designer items lying in heaps on the floor mixed in with business tools and supplies.  None of it looked anything like her vision boards or any of the articles she had so carefully collected.  Victoria looked around tried to think about how to begin to prepare to move necessary items to her new store, and all she could think was, "Well, hot damn."

"I remember walking into my friend Beatrice's [another pseudonym] business and feeling downright angry and embarrassed!  Butter my butt and call me a biscuit!  How did she do it?!?  My first reaction was wow, how sorted and professional.  That's when she told me about Make Space for Grace's organizing services."  

It wasn't long before I received a call from Victoria.  She said she was urgently in need of help.  What she was feeling was overwhelmed and also a tremendous amount of shame.  Within hours, we had completed an initial FaceTime interview, assessed Victoria's needs and the results she was trying to produce, and given her a quote that was in line with her "Organizing on a Budget" vision (that we converted from a vision to a plan).

"Talking with Amanda, the lead organizer on Make Space for Grace's team, was such a relief.  Before the call, I was mortified about my lack of systemization and utter confusion about where to even start.  I KNEW I needed help.  Amanda made me feel so supported during our conversation - I called my husband right after our conversation and said, 'I think Amanda's my new best friend.  She is going to sort out the studio and the house!  And I can't get over how easy it was.' "

We have said it before, and we will keep saying it!  Professional organizing is easy, affordable, and available to EVERYONE!

Not everyone has a knack for marshalling items into order.  And not everyone can seamlessly work with your budget and what you have and solve the disorganization problems in your life while making the result both practical and visually appealing.  That's okay!  We make it easy, and we work with a variety of budgets so that everyone, no matter their age, stage or life, or personal skills can have the organized spaces of their dreams (even if they don't have a clear vision of what that dream looks like).

A New Starting Point

This part of my journey begins as I enter the second half of my life - althought it actually began a few weeks ago, on Monday January 25, when I reached out to a dear friend and wonderful coach, Candy Wright.  I am officially starting a new chapter!  It's been so long since I was in a relationship that felt wright, my body doesn't feel healthy and strong, I just in the last week left a job that overwhelmed me with stress on a daily basis, my financial picture isn't clear, there is sadness in my life from never having achieved my heart and soul's desire of having a child (I have never married), I finally have a good relationship with my father but he is very strong-willed, I have 2 beautiful dogs but of course I am their sole caregiver, I have been losing sight of my spiritual life, and overall I have had a serious lack of balance and peace.  Truth be told, I have never really felt that I have followed a passion of my own in life (I spent most of my adult life working at a terrific sounding but ultimately soul crushing and uninspiring corporate career), and it is time for me to start my own business for real this time, so, gulp, here I go.