Yoga/Meditation Podcast Coming Soon

 

Hi everyone!  Me again.

I want to tell you that I will be providing a podcast/audio practice on this website in the near future so you can tune in for yoga, meditation, and prayer.

Expect some podcasts to be about all three of those and some to be focused on one or the other.

Links for my RSS feed will be added my website.  You'll get an update when they're there so you can sign up for them and stay in the loop.

Thanks for visiting my website.  More posts to come - I have committed myself to daily.  And remember - tune in for meditation and yoga.

The Grace of Being in Flow: The Devil's Face

Consumption used to be my sin of choice until God had something to say about it.  And, well, a priest, a meditation app, and a yoga textbook.

Here's how it went.  I have been working (with the guidance of some amazing coaches I have reached out to) on my plan of action, my RPM (Tony Robbins' brainchild - can't recommend him enough!)  My homework for myself had been to craft the Results (my vision) and my Purpose.  They were powerful, and I was on fire!  And I was working on designing my MAP (Massive Action Plan), and I realized if I was going to overcome my biggest weakness I was going to have to own it and ask for help.  At that time (no longer true!), my biggest lifestyle weakness was consumption/gluttony.

"God, my biggest challenge is that I'm addicted to consumption."

That conversation forced me to consider what I most liked to consume.  Yikes, I knew that meant I would no longer be able to do these things, but I was committed, so I leaped.  Comfort food - any really, but pasta and chips and dip were high on the list - and any kind of boozy, smoky tasting cocktail, usually with a whiskey base, oh and buying anything online that I found beautiful or charming.

(BTW, this was obviously not an actual dialogue as in I heard a voice and responded out loud, but I wanted to give you a sense of the process I went through ...)

OK, Amanda.  What does comfort food do to your body?

"Well, not much that's good.  I've heard you can develop a tolerance to it, like to drugs and alcohol, that means you may need more food over time to feel the sense of wellbeing that is desired.  It can have negative long-term health effects.  For example, it can give you heart disease.  While it might make you feel better temporarily, it does nothing to solve the underlying emotional problem that is causing the craving.  Definitely has never helped my focus or ability to stay present."

So I closed my eyes.  And I thought about the number one underlying emotional problem that was fueling my consumption, and it was anger and a lack of ability to forgive.  I imagined that anger being poured into comfort food and alcohol during the manufacturing process ... just poured and poured ... I could see it.  It was endless, it just kept going.

"Wow, quite the image, got it."

OK, then I imagined it was being poured into shopping cart checkouts, out of a huge container, an almost infinite bag.  I saw it.

Actually saw it.

Now, I know this might sound too ... stupid (?) to some of you, but just bear with me.  I know what The Devil is.  He's a fallen angel that seduces people into sin, and that's who was driving all that anger in my life, mine, Amanda's ... not me doing it to myself, but The Devil, weaseling his way in.  And I stamped his face onto that HUGE bag of anger in my mind.  I saw it.

Wow, did I see it.

So I knew this was a powerful moment, but I had no idea how God would move to send this message to me.

There I am, just a few minutes after having had this prayer experience and working on my MAP, and I picked up a yoga book I bought last year and never read (can you say consumption?)  Part and parcel with changing my life is changing how I relate to my things (highly recommend!) and going back and finishing things I started or getting rid of them - as a professional organizer I can tell you that things can clutter our thoughts, emotions, and even spirit simply by being in our home - whether it's a pile of mail, clothes that are never worn, dog toys the pups have ripped the squeakers out of, some weird music an ex-boyfriend gave me ...

I opened this book, decided I would read, journal, and move through it from start to finish.  Not set it aside to do it later, start to do it right then.  What was the first topic in the book?  Forgiveness.  It's a collection of meditations and writing exercises and movement sequences centered around five topics, and the first was forgiveness - um, hello?!

Honestly, I laughed, thanked God, and I think I said out loud "Got it!  GOT it!  Anger is sin.  No more.  Time to forgive" and I did the journaling exercise in the book about releasing tension being a way to forgive.  Wow, God really does speak to us when we bother to listen.  I have regrettably gone so long in life without remembering that, but it happens more and more when I spend time with God and I actively work to bring my life and my dreams together.  But I'm not done.

The next day, I fired up the Hallow app, which I use for daily prayer and meditation.  I selected a random item from the playlist.  For Lent, I've been doing a morning meditation/prayer, an evening one, and then midday one from their Lent 40 series.  What was it that I chose that day (and didn't know what it was until it started) ... the Litany of Humility!  (A long list of requests for humility, like "From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, O Jesus ... That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it" etc.)  So not a chuckling moment, but an opportunity to thank God again.  Wow, God really wanted to get in my head this whole "you have nothing to be angry about, everyone suffers, even Jesus you ninny, welcome it, be humble, and let it go".  Got it: anger = pride = sin.

Fast forward one week, and I went to Adoration for the first time in almost a year.  (Yeah, starting to get an idea of how sin had managed to sneak into my life?)  I went in with an intent to be with God in silence and then go to Confession.  As we are all sitting there in the middle of the silence (Adoration is a silent time, other than some brief prayers when the Blessed Sacrament is placed on the altar and again when it is removed), in comes Father Nick and goes to the lectern.  "Sorry for the interruption!  We are livestreaming the Holy Hour tonight for middle school students and their families.  So I'm going to give a short homily for them."  What was it about?  Forgiveness! 

"Got it, God!" I wanted to shout.  (I didn't.)  But I did almost laugh out loud.  Wow, a Trinity of reminders, God's power in action, the beauty that is available when we meditate and do spiritual reading and go to church and PAY ATTENTION.  An infinite supply of overwhelming love and support.

You won't be surprised that the anger I was holding onto is gone.  Granted it has only been a few days since that last reminder, but I have a feeling it is gone for good this time.  No comfort food and no desire for any.  Nope, no boozy whiskey drinks and no desire for any.  I have placed things into my Amazon cart (including some gorgeous bins for storing some of the items/projects currently in progress), and I will be purchasing those things, but there's not the sense of compuslion about it, yet at the same time I of course do need things and I don't want to go in the opposite direction and become a fetishist about never buying anything (that whole Live for a Year with Only 20 Possessions thing is NOT me!)  So, when the actual need for something comes up, I will click on Buy Now, but otherwise I'm leaving all that stuff in the cart and not thinking about it.  Comfort food and whiskey and shopping all are very pleasurable, but all I need is a small serving and I can move on.

Life is more grace-filled, joyful, and unconstrained without my "addiction" to anger (BTW, we need to be careful about using words like addiction - they actually have very specific meanings and we trivialize the struggles of actual addicts and aggrandize our own foibles when we use words like that in an effort to amp up the drama of our own experience ;)).  Anyway, my mind is sharper, my emotions are more loving and inclusive, my body is healthier, and I feel so beloved in having another aspect of my new identity: woman-who-remembers-that-hurt-people-hurt-people-and-that-there-is-a-supernatural-power-available-to-help-us-forgive-them

TGIF: Certifiable Coach

Hooray!  I received my license and certification as a PAX coach this week.  Officially a coach.  Recognition.  Accreditation.  Partnership Nation.

Never mind that I have been coaching for more than five years.  Doesn't matter.  That's the old uncredentialed me.  No more strife and penance for coaching.  No more learning from mistakes - no more mistakes!  It's a soaring and joyous time for this coachess.

I am pulsing in this moment.  I am a COACH now.  I attend workshops at Esalen and go on super intense retreats at Our Lady of the Oaks.   I hug glowing, white-toothed motivational speakers.  I am sitting in full lotus on the cover of Garden & Gun magazine.  I am featured in meditation and prayer app ads.  I score organic cosmetics endorsement contracts.  My seminars are sprawling across the universe.  Everyone is perfectly spiritual, balanced, and readiant.  Everyone is going on partnership retreats.  I am a coaching star.  God has manifested my reality.  In this moment.  There is plenty of money, but it's not the point.  IHS my guide.

It's all sparking and actual and I'm certain to guarantee it ... to certify it ... some day just like I did today.

Deo Volente.

Moments of Gratitude 2

 Remembering that when I count the moments of gratitude, the moments of gratitude count more:

1.  Putting a puzzle with beautiful dragonflies in my Amazon cart.  I love puzzles, and I love dragonflies, and I'm grateful in advance for the moments spent doing this puzzle!

2.  My feet in natural water (not a swimming pool) for the first time in almost a year.  Big stretch of my comfort zone to put my feet in the water in February!

3.  The pleasure of finding an awesome, reliable, sweet, and kind place for my dogs to go for a staycation - they will play with them, snuggle with them, take them as they are, and see them "as part of our pack"!

4.  Another item in my Amazon cart: swim noodles for the summer, and grateful in advance for the moments when I will have my friends over to my pool this summer and we will laugh like crazy.  Remembering how grateful I am to be able to slip into my pool when the sun's rays get too hot in the summer.

5.  Grateful for the future hugs endless hugs I will get from my soul mate when I pick him up at the airport.

6.  The joy of my future child's giggle and the pleasure we will have horsing around.

7.  Pure confidence from being on a path filled with light and joy and forward movement, KNOWING that I'm on the right path, KNOWING I'm on it FOR GOOD.

8.  Setting clear boundaries by letting someone know that I didn't want to talk about a man I used to date (even though I did have to ask more than once, I remained calm and clear and confident, so it was a double victory).  Why should we talk about things we don't want to talk about unless we are going to gain something from it (like spiritual growth)?

9.  The fluidity and joy of being able to choose where my energy goes in any given moment.  Bliss from bringing it back to the here and now and my highest priority, even if in that moment it is just some boring task I have decided to attend to.

10.  Realizing I have REALLY stepped into my expanded identity of taking care of myself.  Almost one week of no sweets!  Hydrating.  Trying to alkalize.  Eating when hungry and making sure every meal or snack includes at least one fruit or vegetable.  Not allowing myself to get too hungry.  Remembering my body is a miracle from God (is that too ... something for you?  Another opportunity for you to practice your open-mindedness ;)) and LISTENING to my body and honoring it.

11.  Reconnecting with how in love I am with yoga by trying out different YouTube videos and sequences from my yoga books and websites and ordering a series from Hillary Rubin and Wai Lana's Flexibility DVD.  Our bodies are AMAZING and all they need is the right combination of discipline and love.  The joy of an asana that at first seemed impossible and now just gets deeper and deeper.

12.  Getting closer and closer to 165 on the scale, which I know I will see again soon.  😎

13.  Appreciating that the coaching certifications I am currently working on and the ones I am considering investing in next are exactly the right fit for me.  I have been "unofficially" coaching for so long now, and I have wondered about how much exactly I can learn from these different programs.  Wow, have I been wrong, and what a great investment they have been.  Not everything in every program has been earth-shattering, but some of it really is brand new, and I tremendously respect the people I have learned from.  And I LOVE getting opportunities to practice teaching and coaching!  (In fact, if you're reading this and are interested, there are some things I am teaching and coaching on right now complimentary or at a deeply discounted rate!)  PLUS I am really finding my own voice and am getting very clear on the direction I want to take my practice and my business and my brand.  No, I don't want to be "another life coach" ... I have so much personal experience and have learned so much from so many different approaches that I KNOW what I am offering is unique.

14.  My intuition and clarity about men I am meeting on Match.  The ability to NOT make it an obsessive quest or an intellectual project or a quest for The Ideal Man, and instead knowing that I can turn it over to God and the Saints and Angels and they will lead me to the right places to put my attention - and keep me away from the WRONG places.

15.  Taking the time to write this, pretty late at night after a long day.  I am not a writer unless I write, and saying I am a writer makes me smile!  And practicing the art of "writing for the trashcan" - it doesn't have to be perfect, especially when it's just about getting down on paper what I am grateful for today.

Moments of Gratitude

Remembering that when I count the moments of gratitude, the moments of gratitude count more (and that when I am grateful now for things I want in my life in the future, I help to co-create those things into existence), here are some from the last few days:

1.  Tamale and Petunia (my sweet dogs) getting their teeth cleaning appointments made (and for having both the time and the money to make this happen; Tamale will also have X-rays while she is under, as she seems to be having some pain issues in her lower back).  Grateful in advance for the news that they are both OKAY!

2.  Blogging!  This is FUN, y'all.  I don't know if anyone will ever read it, but it's such a commitment on my part to my new expanded identity.  It has been much easier and more fulfilling than I thought it would.  I'm addicted to something great!

3.  Walking further and further each time on my training walks!  Oh my miraculous body (and how thankful I am to God for it, no apologies if that is too New Age for you) ... how fast it's learning!

4.  Grateful in advance for the child I have always wanted and that I am praying God to somehow bring me and for the moments snugglehugging that child while listening to him/her talk about some kid thing that is important in kid world.

5.  Starting to build a workshop on Expanded Identity.  Teaching the workshop to an audience will probably be the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm allowing myself to nevertheless enjoy the process.  Getting the idea to introduce the workshop this spring or summer at Sacred Circle.

6.  Grateful in advance for an outing I am planning to Burke Lake this spring when the weather warms up with a couple of girlfriends and maybe some others who want to join ... picnic and beach volleyball which I am terrible at so there will be lots of awkwardness and falling ... and laughing so hard it is going to hurt!

Expanding My Identity: Joining The 3 Day

Those who know me know I am not a big exerciser.  Er.  I haven't been a big exerciser, but I have set a goal to complete The 3 Day this year, so I have become one.  That's what's great about developing focus.  You just decide on a new aspect of your identity, and then act as that new identity.  God, or the Great Creator (sure, some Native American god, whatever works for you) sends us sources and events that allow us to become a better expression of who we were created to be, and we just have to be paying attention in order to notice them ... it is often like a gentle alarm clock that starts off faintly and gradually becomes more insistent until we sit up and take notice.  And then, before you know it, you're in connection with the flow of good orderly direction, heading toward grace! 

I have a bad knee from injuries many years ago and recently started to have some stress-related joint issues in my big toe at a job I was not loving.  The toe was excruciating really, and the knee can be at times.  Truth be told, I'd prefer not to go into the specifics, because it brings me back to some emotions I'd really rather not have: mostly fear (Oh my word, I can't stand, I can't even think about anything else because the pain is fogging my mind ... am I permanently disabled?  Who is going to care for my aging father?  For Petunia and Tamale (my dogs)?  Am I going to pass out?  No, but maybe burst into tears ... :)  pain, embarrassment (although some people I worked with were incredibly kind, I thought I might be getting gout and would be judged for somehow bringing this on myself, that I might lose my independence - this is a time when my grief over not having a life partner can really reach up and grab me).  But it led to this great gift, this opportunity to rethink my identity around health and vitality.  Here's the story.

Well, I left that unhappy job last week and suddenly have had time for conscious movement as often as I would like.  All at once, I have been moving again on my own terms because I could, and I have remembered that I love it!  Warm-ups on the treadmill, yoga and balance exercises, tons of movement to train my brain and my body to remember how to communicate again.  I love moving, paying attention to my body, having the freedom to discipline myself every day, and the blessing of my yoga teacher training and some great podcasts to tell me exactly what I need to do to get healthy again.

As I have begun paying attention to my body (and not the unhelpful and superficial and ego-driven attention I was giving it when certain clothing items didn't fit the way I would like them to), I have started thinking about what I can do with it that will give me a GOAL (I do well with specific, time-sensitive goals with some sort of external accountability) and more JOY in my life - the kind of joy that comes from doing something new and having fun while doing it.

Then I remembered that I always wanted to do a challenging physical event that would really push my body, and I realized that taking that goal on now sounded fun.  Some of the events have been cancelled or indefinitely postponed because of the pandemic, but not all of them, and somehow without my even realizing it, I just had a feeling that I should revist doing something I had always wanted to do, and I went to the website to check, and sure enough The 3 Day is happening later this year, with one location very near where Dad lives.  Hmmm, that sounded interesting, and it's only walking so that doesn't sound too intimidating.  A 60-mile walk over the course of three days.  Raises funds for Komen for the Cure and promotes awareness to fight breast cancer (my mother died from breast cancer eight years ago).  I was intrigued.  Here is an alarm clock going off.  Time to do a little research.

First, is this something I want to train for with other friends who are not big exercisers?  I am a bit intimidated to join a group that already has done this event before ... they will be faster, stronger, more flexible - everything I would like to be in my body but am not yet.  So I may ask a couple of girlfriends.  But I have a feeling one of them is going to decline, as she is currently facing the likelihood of a total hip replacement and committing to three days of walking six months from now is probably not in the cards for her, regardless of whether she is pre- or post-surgery at that point.  LOL, right?!  The other is likely not going to want to travel to New England for The 3 Day.

For now, I have decided to dive into the pool alone.

As I'm contemplating that, I have tackled the next order of business ... would my body be ready?

I've done research on The 3 Days's website and other places, and all the news is yes!  Six months is plenty of time to do the recommended training plan.

So I am commiting: one of my three main goals for the next three months is to get in the best shape of my life, and I'm looking forward to hopefully working with a life coach who can give me some homework in this area.  One thing I've done to get myself started is to listen to Louise Hay's Atmospheres and Affirmations.  Man, people like her and Tony Robbins amaze me!  It's not always about hearing something new and earth-shattering (although sometimes I do), it's hearing from people who say things in a certain way ... totally confident, totally centered, totally in divine flow.  I'm listening and doing exercises on who I WAS and who I am now choosing to be, and it's becoming clear.  My expanded identity includes being fast, strong, flexible, and balanced ... and registering for The 3 Day is the perfect way to step into this new identity.

And I've begen the training process.  3 miles one day, day of rest, 3 miles one day, day of rest ... then 30 minutes cross training.  Then 3 miles the next day, 3 miles the day after that.  The next week is the same, except one day goes up to 4 miles.  Week after is the same, except one day is 4 miles and another day is 5 miles.  On the off days, I am going to try the elliptical, and I'm also doing daily yoga and calisthenics.  Regardless of where I am on the walking training, I'm really going to hold myself accountable to daily yoga.  The training plan is 24 weeks long, and I'm 26 weeks out, so I will need to buckle down soon.  Got the training plan on my phone and yoga podcasts all downloaded.

Yes, I've got tons of motivational playlists from Hay House and others to keep my brain busy while I work out!

I am thrilled to say, "I am now a big exerciser!"

Can't yet tell you that I love exercising, though I'm hoping that will come, but I can tell you I LOVE the feeling after.  There is nothing like the sweaty, slighty sore, incredibly powerful, slightly looser feeling after you have stretched your body just past the edge of its limits, with a mind and soul now able to imagine new possibilities.

Adam's Ale

The following is an excerpt from http://www.blessedearth.org/blogs/why-i-dont-drink-bottled-water/  Blessed Earth is an educational nonprofit inspiring faithful stewardship of all creation and is motivated by the biblical mandate to care for God’s creation.

During my sophomore year of college, I spent four months studying in France.  I had to make many language and cultural adjustments, but one of the biggest surprises was the general lack of public water fountains.  As I journeyed across Europe on weekends and vacations, I learned the necessity of carrying a bottle of water.  Back home in the U.S., more people than ever are buying bottled water.  Even in these difficult economic times, Americans purchase 500 million bottles of water every week!  And this is despite the fact that we have near universal access to clean water in the United States (a blessing not afforded to more than a billion of our global neighbors). So why exactly is bottled water so bad?  Here are just a few of the many reasons to avoid purchasing bottled water:

• Bottled water costs around 2,000 times more than tap water.  As Annie Leonard of www.storyofstuff.com points out, that’s like paying $10,000 for a sandwich

• Much of the bottled water on the market today (including Pepsi’s Aquafina and Coca-Cola’s Dasani) is nothing more than filtered tap water

• 2.5 million plastic bottles are thrown into the landfill every hour

• Studies have shown that bottled water is no healthier than tap water in the U.S.

• Over 47 million gallons of oil are used per year to produce bottled water

• Currently only 10% – 20% of water bottles are recycled

• Manufacturers must use an additional 5 liters of water to produce 1 liter of bottled water

My lesson learned traveling the trains of Europe has stuck with me.  Anytime our family leaves the house for more than an hour we bring a reusable water bottle (or two or three) with us.  When eating out we use our own water bottles when possible, and ask for tap water in nice restaurants where pulling out our Nalgenes might be frowned upon.  If we forget, we try to use water fountains.  If you want to filter your water, keep a pitcher in the frig and refill it frequently.  While it may seem like a small matter whether your family uses tap vs. bottled water, remember this—using tap water both saves money and helps take care of God’s creation.

OK, I don’t know about you, but some of the recently mega-publicized info about the negative effects of bottled water has me consumed with doubt, fear, anxiety, and anger.  Like probably most of you, I have spent my adult life drinking as much water as possible in the interests of health.  My commitment goes in waves, but I do my best.  About two years ago, I bought a S'Well, and  I have been trying to use it in place of purcashing bottled water.  And, as we all know – 8 glasses a day or else death by dehydration or a supposed laundry list of other negative side effects. But I've been following the news on how many municipalities around the world have been proposing and even enacting bottled water bans.  It seems like the news about resource wastage, transportation emissions, and plastic litter is old news now, but it is still very upsetting if you pay attention to it.

I’m in Alexandria VA where the water is clean, and I drink it out of the tap (well actually out of the filtered and chilled water dispenser on my refrigerator).  And I drink a LOT of water.  What's really concerning is that here we are, supposedly doing that for our health, but there is ongoing concern about the use of plastics in consumer food packaging solutions, not just about the environmental impact of the disposal of these products, but concerns about consumer safety.  The simple fact is that I need to drink water all day or I don’t feel optimally well.  And when I have ended up with a plastic water bottle (gifted at an event or included with a meal or purchased out of desperation when I forgot my refillable bottle), I have always tried to reuse those bottles by refilling them over and over again, in an effort to be as green as possible.  

Then whammo!  Here comes the news that, not only am I paying the equivalent of $10,000 for a sandwich for each of these bottles, but toxins leaching from plastics might be related to disorders in humans such as infertility and cancer.  Now, every time I take a sip of water these words drift like clouds across my vision … leaching styrene di-2-ehtylhexyl phthalate endocrine disruptor human carcinogen.

Am I exaggerating?  If I'm not - the damage is already done to the environment, to me, and to all of my organs - even more outrageous when in many cases I have just been drinking filtered tap water from another city that has been put into this poisonous container and then sold to me at an outrageous price!  Yes, it has only been a year since scientists were able to use advance laser spectroscopy to analyze water bottles made of polystyrene and polycarbonate for contamination, but that doesn't mean the contamination is only a year old - we are just now able to identify what has been poisoning us for the last generation.  I'm QUITE SURE these and other chemicals will be "exposed" in a future issue of a respected scientific journal that will be terrifying.

WHAT IN THE SAM HILL?!?!?

Here's a brilliant idea.  Should we just stop drinking water and switch to whiskey (which comes from uisce beatha, Irish for water of life) or forget Adam's Ale and just drink ale?  Seems safer than a sip of water right now.  Idiocracy - a science fiction comedy about the future where they all almost starve because they use sports drinks instead of water for everything, including watering their crops ... or are we living that now, ingesting the toxic elements aluminum and cyanide which are found in trace amounts in plastic water bottles and throwing millions of these toxic plastic bottles into landfills every hour?

But seriously – this is when yoga and meditation and faith save me.  Because whiskey is not actually life-giving and ale, while delicious, but was not given to Adam by God.  And we can't stop drinking water.

What to do?  How to solve this problem?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Lord God Almighty, clear my mind as my thoughts run rampant in my head.  Let me meditate that I may facilitate forgiveness, let go of rumination, and reduce negative emotions.  May I allow yoga to clear the mind.  

This is all I can do.

As always, it comes back to consciously making time in my life for God's divine grace.

A New Starting Point

This part of my journey begins as I enter the second half of my life - althought it actually began a few weeks ago, on Monday January 25, when I reached out to a dear friend and wonderful coach, Candy Wright.  I am officially starting a new chapter!  It's been so long since I was in a relationship that felt wright, my body doesn't feel healthy and strong, I just in the last week left a job that overwhelmed me with stress on a daily basis, my financial picture isn't clear, there is sadness in my life from never having achieved my heart and soul's desire of having a child (I have never married), I finally have a good relationship with my father but he is very strong-willed, I have 2 beautiful dogs but of course I am their sole caregiver, I have been losing sight of my spiritual life, and overall I have had a serious lack of balance and peace.  Truth be told, I have never really felt that I have followed a passion of my own in life (I spent most of my adult life working at a terrific sounding but ultimately soul crushing and uninspiring corporate career), and it is time for me to start my own business for real this time, so, gulp, here I go.